This has been repurposed from my column on Medium.
More than a third of U.S. households are pet parents. Given the relatively short lifespans of dogs and cats, pet grief will visit too many homes.
The good news is that the intense suffering of pet grief has come out of the closet.
Humane societies, vet practices, and mystics provide therapy.
Greeting card companies have created a special niche of messaging for that.
HuffPost and other media outlets publish articles on how pet parents can cope.
The tough nut to crack remains this: Most of us are still screwing up when we struggle, on a personal level, to offer our sympathy.
Not that we excel at that ritual when the death involves a human. The reality in the U.S. is that we tend to be inept when those we care about experience a death in their family. Death is not embedded into the American world view.
As a communications strategist, content-creator and coach, I have assisted adults and children determined to, as the saying goes, do no harm.
Here are the fundamentals:
LET THE BEREAVED GUIDE YOU. Recently, a long-time friend-Kass-lost her dog. When we asked how she “was doing,” she was totally candid and detailed in describing where she was in the grief process. We got it that our “job description” was to listen and bear witness to her experience.
FORGET THE FACTS. The over-educated segments in America tend to throw tidbits from research to address the emotions. Obviously, that’s apples and oranges. Informing Kass that her small dog outlived the average lifespan for such a breed is crass.
AIM FOR SWEET SPOT. Comfort comes in so many different ways. For some it might be treated to a meal out. For others, it’s having a buddy bring over a six-pack and hang out.
HOLD THE SHARING. Your own experience with pet grief is an unwanted item of sharing for anyone overwhelmed with emotion. Anyway, most sharing is over-sharing.
REFRAIN FROM PROVIDING LONG-TERM “SOLUTIONS.” In most human tragedies, those suffering are not looking to map out the rest of their lives. They are trying to make it to the next hour. So, no, don’t recommend you two go to the shelter and adopt or put the house up for sale since the large yard is no longer needed.
CHECK IN. Grief comes in waves. This morning the person may seem fine. This evening, no one knows. Text, call, email, or figure out excuse to swing by in person.
Learning to be helpful, not a pest, to those who lost an animal companion is highly transferrable. That knowledge base and skill can be leveraged in all other types of loss.
Those include homes in floods, jobs, fame, and youth. Loss is loss. There is pain. Only the most emotionally challenged spin any of that into platitudes about adversity as opportunity.
Jane Genova encourages you to take advantage of a complimentary, no-pressure consultation about your communications needs (janegenova374@gmail.com).