Pet Eulogies

Expect it to happen.  You're asked to "say a few words" at your neighbors' memorials for their deceased pets. 

With 63-percent of American households having pets and with pet grief out of the closet (well, more or less), people we know are asking us to participate in rituals that help them deal with the loss.

So, what do you say?

In pet eulogies, the same principles apply that work in any other form of public speaking.

Principle Number-One: Focus on the audience.

What will help those grieving work through this loss?  Research shows that many feel guilty that they could have done more medically to prolong a pet's life, waited too long to terminate it or should have made sure the gate was closed so that Trixie couldn't get out.   

Therefore, what works is highlighting, in detail, how well the owner had cared for the pet.

Principle Number-Two: Find common ground.

If you've dealt with pet  or any other form of grief yourself, for example, briefly discuss your own experience as a way to demonstrate that you truly identify.  The risk?  You could get caught up in your own experiences.  Don't do that.  Keep the attention on this person who has just suffered a loss.

Principle Number-Three: Avoid cliches. 

Suffering is lessened by real empathy, not platitudes.  In fact, the folks in pain will be in more pain if they sense that their emotion isn't being really understood. Cliches are demeaning.

Principle Number-Four:  Indicate you'll be around for the long haul and, more importantly, that you have confidence in their ability to make it through this.

Each person's grief process is unique.  For some it might take 10 months to resolve it.  For others it might take two years.  Let them know that your door is open if they want to share their feelings in the future.  And that you are convinced that they will the strength to eventually move on.

Full Disclosure: Three years ago when I lost my Japanese Chin Nicole, my grief was so unrelenting that I hooked up with a therapist specializing in loss. I also began studying the Buddhist notion of non-attachment.  Last August when I lost my cat Sarah I had in-place the tools I needed to get the support I needed. 

Comments

[Stacy L.Harp]

Good post, and very interesting. I just finished my M.S. in Clinical Psychology and have networked with my Vet because of this very issue. Pet loss is no laughing matter and I think it's great you chose to seek out professional help.

As you may guess, I'm hoping others will too - thus my business card displayed at the Vet!